RAMBLING TOP EIGHT

8. When people name their animals a stereotypical name like whiskers or scruffy and I also hate when people give their animals human names like Joe. Your dog is NOT Joe he is a dog.

I hate to break the news but you are not
              (but is that really so bad?)

7. Phony people. It angers me when I see someone say something like "oh Sylvia your haircut looks great" and then when she leaves the room instantly turn to everyone and go "oh my gosh did you see Sylvia's hair?" Why do we all feel this need to be dishonest and try to please others? Just be yourself and hold your own opinions and the world will be a better place.

6. Commercials. Where has the creativity gone? Most commercials are the same rehashed boring ideas. Oh I have a great idea lets have a guy standing in front of a car dealership talking about our unbelievably low prices. That will make everyone want to buy our ugly hybrid car that can't go over 35 MPH without a tow-truck attached to the front of it. Here famous person how bout you wear these sneakers and go play basketball. Lets have a creepy mascot say "Check out our new dollar menu where you can spend little and have enough food to feed an army." Yeah…an army of ants you obtuse swine.

                                                            
With thisYou'll never see this

5. Waiting in traffic. I always think about that REM video for Everybody Hurts. That video tried to show the beauty of being stuck in a traffic jam by checking out people and making you think of what their lives entail. Unfortunately that was before the inception of cell phones and now you look around in a traffic jam and all you see is people talking on their cell phones. The fun has departed.

4. When people brag about how much they drank the night before. Do you really think I care? I am not telling you that I had 5 Dr. Peppers and a Bottle of water AM I?


3. Carrot Top. I found him insufferable prior to his 1-800 collect commercials but they were just the icing on the cake. Every time I see one of those ads I look for something to throw towards the screen in disgust. Unfortunately it is usually the remote, which means it is that much harder to change the channel.

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2. People that sit around outside all day trying to pick up girls with their lack of talent and an acoustic guitar. Hey Fabio how about you go back to your place of residence and work on writing some of your own songs instead of playing your horrible Dave Matthews covers for Susie Walkonby. And girls, Shame on you for encouraging these talent-less hacks.
<-Peeping Tom for the mother station

1. Paper cuts. Why is it that these little minute cuts caused by a piece of paper are the most painful descendant of the gash family tree (no pun intended)? Why did I just write no pun intended, why does anyone write that? Obviously the pun is intended or I wouldn't have written it in the first place I wrote family tree because paper comes from a tree. I can admit how stupid it is to say no pun intended and I only did it to point it out to you. So next time you read no pun intended or someone says it write to the author or tell the speaker this "You did intend the pun you nitwit, you should go jump off a bridge in Paris then you'd be in Seine (no pun intended of course)."